Birthday Pigeon Competition

Since it's my birthday round about now, I thought I'd launch a super competition with big cash prizes for correctly answering highly intellectual questions. However, since I can't be bothered to do that (and I'm too mean to give any of my hard-earned dosh away), here's a pathetic competition with non-existent prizes for anyone with enough brainpower to fill in a simple form.

Right, here goes... You can win, win, win with the Andy Holten homepage this month!!! (Like it so far? I thought the three exclamation marks were a nice touch). The star prize is your very own pigeon, which will look very similar to the one at the top of this page, maybe. Perhaps you could give it a little pet name, like 'poopy', or 'ploppy'. Runners up will receive a small sachet of salad cream, but I wouldn't bother giving it a pet name, that would be completely stupid. To win these amazing things, and possibly see your name in the list of winners, simply fill in the following form. My usual guarantee, that your name will not be disclosed to anyone else or used for any other purpose in the future, applies. The small print is at the bottom of this page.

1. The competition is open to anyone who has nostrils (unless they're someone else's).
2. The winner of the competition might be posted on this website sometime in the future. If anyone enters, of course.
3. The winner will be the person who has, in the judge's opinion, submitted the most feeble-minded entry. Extra points will be awarded for obvious stupidity.
4. The judge's decision is final, unless he changes his mind later on, which is very likely given the unstable nature of aforementioned mind. He's also open to bribes.
5. The pigeon prize is all a huge scam, as is the whole competition. I would send out the salad cream sachets, but you'll notice that there is no space for your address, and I can't very well send them by e-mail, can I?
6. If you were stupid enough to enter without reading this small print, it's tough.
7. "Poopy the pigeon" and all his friends are registered trademarks of the Andy Holten Corporation.
8. The above item is complete garbage.
9. The bit about not using your e-mail address for anything other than e-mailing you back about this competition is, however, true. I hate spam as much as you do.
10. Are your eyes hurting yet?

© Andy Holten 1998